The walk of shame; an emotional roller-coaster of simultaneous triumph & shame that all-too-often stems from mild attraction multiplied by an ocean of alcohol. Whether it was during your wild college years or this morning, no one is immune to the embarrassment of trekking to home/work/church (potentially) reeking of booze and (undoubtedly) sweat from the night before. To top this off is an outfit donned hours earlier with a night out in mind, and let’s face it, the light of day can be far more cruel than any strobe light.
But must the dreaded walk of shame always be shameful? We say “Nay”. So we’ve come up with a few basic steps, tips, and tricks that will work to hide the evidence of your previous escapade, and make you ready to face the day. You (hopefully) just had a ridiculously great night, and there’s no reason you can’t walk out the door with your head held high like the champion, or at least a functioning member of society.
Wake up early:
If possible, try to set your cell phone alarm earlier in the evening to prevent alcohol-induced forgetfulness. True, this isn’t always possible since the walk of shame is final step in an unplanned journey, but it’s a key step in getting on with your day and salvaging your dignity.
The last thing you want in the morning is to be rushed and end up looking even more unruly and unkempt than you already do. Trust us; wake up early, don’t make it worse for yourself.
You may have not been the most gentlemanly person in the world the night before, but that’s no excuse to continue the trend in the light of day & sobriety
That being said, provided you wake up early, you should have ample time to take a quick shower. Make sure to politely ask your host or hostess if it’s alright first. 99.99% of the time, they won’t mind at all, and you have the chance to scrub that eau de post coitus fragrance off. Worst case scenario, you can just give your face a quick wash over the sink to take the shine off.
Take the time to round up all your clothes off the floor and bring them in the bathroom with you. Laying out or hanging up your clothes while you shower will allow the steam to freshen them up and eliminate any wrinkles.
This rule is especially important if you have work or another engagement in the morning. The last thing you want to do is show up in clothes from the day before, and be running late. Keep in mind that you’re also leaving from an unfamiliar location, and should budget extra time for getting lost, getting caught in unexpected traffic, or for calling a cab and reclaiming your car from the impound.
Grab Recovery Supplies:
Hopefully you’ve left early enough to have time for an emergency reinforcements run. Don’t be stingy in buying whatever you might need to complete the rest of your day if you don’t have time to go home. A cheap pair of boxers, deodorant, a coffee, and some socks will cost around $20, and do wonders for your appearance and mood.
Sure, putting on a $5 chinatown t-shirt in a McDonald’s bathroom won’t make you feel that great about yourself, but ultimately it’s the judging eyes of friend’s and coworkers that will make you feel worse if you don’t. Walk of Shame or not, it’s always a good policy to have deodorant, some facial wipes, and a clean shirt stashed in your desk. Spills happen just as much as unexpected night of hooking up.
Call Her Back:
The final step in transitioning from a shameful morning to a successful one is being a gentleman. Don’t be the guy that steals her brother’s shirt and sneaks out the back without as much as a “thanks”. Make sure to let her know that you enjoyed your time together – whether you did or not. Be polite, courteous, and maybe even share a cup of coffee with her before you leave. You may have not been the most gentlemanly person in the world the night before, but that’s no excuse to continue the trend in the light of day & sobriety.
The walk of shame can be a pretty problematic pickle if you’re not careful. There’s nothing worse than showing up to a meeting late and looking like a complete disgrace, but hey, sometimes these things just seem to happen. When they do, at least you can be well-prepared with these foolproof measures that one can complete pretty much anywhere, under any circumstances.
- Set your alarm early on the night before & save yourself the rush.
- If possible, take a quick shower to refresh yourself, and your clothes
- Leave early. You should never compromise reliability for a one-night stand.
- Plan to make a run for supplies.
- Be a gentleman. One should always attempt to be a gentleman, but especially in potentially touchy situations like these. Be polite, courteous, and call them later.
Have any hilarious walk of shame stories or walk of triumph successes? Feel free to spread the love below. (Lets keep them PG, fellas).
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